Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
