he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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