SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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