...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
