so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
