my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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