You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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