im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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