apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
