woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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