So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
