I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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