Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
