How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
