i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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