Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
