When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
