Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
