my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can I color on your dick again?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
