I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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