oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
