Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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