So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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