did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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