There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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