oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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