Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
