As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
