you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
