Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The adults are the big ones right?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
