She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
