worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
