My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
