I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
