It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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