there's paper in my vomit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
