you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
