Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
