I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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