its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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