Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
