There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
