I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
