Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
