Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
