I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
