So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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