giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
