Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
