What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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