'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
