I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
