I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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