Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
